


File Not Found

by thursdayj (thursjournal)



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Crack, Pining, Sad shower wanking, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-18 16:45:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13104333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thursjournal/pseuds/thursdayj
Summary: Everything was connected, except the thing they wanted most.





	File Not Found

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a Tumblr post by starry-eyed-tina "The one ship that will never happen: Friedkin x Reading files"

You would think that the stack of files in a dark red folder labeled TOP SECRET would be irresistible. A quick glance at the contents should leave the reader spellbound. Who wouldn’t be interested in pages and pages about a shapeshifting girl who once won the American Cup yacht race AS A BOAT? 

Hugo Friedkin, that’s who. 

The files considered themselves one of the best assets of Blackwing, obviously. They’d been here since the beginning, and had enjoyed quite a few office dalliances over the decades. Riggins had cooled on inter-office-supply romance in his waning years but there had been days, early on, when he would spend endless hours pouring over every line, his hands skimming cooly down the page. Before that had been a series of tall dark and handsomes. The files had thrilled at each midnight rendezvous tucked into a trench coat against the warm solid man-flesh listening to the racing heartbeat. But these days, they were left alone to languish on the edges of desks or sulk longingly in the crowded in-box. 

Hugo was by far the most beautiful person to ever hold a position of authority within Blackwing, and the files were determined to win him over. Maybe not love, but at least a little action. They just needed to find the right information, the clue, the lynchpin to getting Blackwing back on the good side of Upper Management.

The files filled themselves temptingly with every bit of information they could find. Logic had narrowed down the most crucial projects to Icarus, Lamia, Incubus, and Moloch. The files were filled with historical data on Lamia’s shapeshifting exploits and surveillance photos that would surely alert Hugo to her interference. There was a timeline of key dates that intersected several investigation avenues. They even included the water analysis from both the Blackwing Incident and the Cardenas house. And yet…

“Stop trying to make me READ!”

The words echoed through the files long after everyone had gone home for the night. Nothing a cold shower couldn't fix. The files fluttered off the desk and shuffled down the hall. They pushed open the locker room door and slipped into the shower stall, wrenching the knob as cold as it would go. Water streamed down the folder and circled into the drain. 

They imagined the same thing as always. Hugo, striding into the commander’s office with the files tucked securely under his arm. Feeling his strong warm grip, the pulse of his wrist. Together they would lay out the redemption of Blackwing. Important pages spread on the desk. Hushed voices. Calls made on a red phone. 

As the water continued to run, the files felt their paperclip slowly unfurl, stretching out straight and hard. They rubbed it between the two leaves of the folder, leaning back against the cool tile. As they pumped harder and harder, their tears flowed down, spinning down the drain along with the water.

****************************************************  
The next day, the files were waiting as usual on the desk when Hugo came in. He walked by without a glance, squeezing the stress doll. The pages of the files whispered quietly in a nonexistent breeze.


End file.
